ROTFL

April 11th, 2008 § 0

scrap cat

After finally letting go of the prolonged e-mail ban precipitated by Alli’s extortion campaign, I relented and found an e-mail account with parent monitoring capabilities, so she’s been back in business for a bit, at least with the family members on her whitelist. Her e-mails are often hysterical, including a series of “fill in the blank forms” that she likes to send out to solicit information from various family members, but we were particularly amused by the following exchange with Aunt Cathy and Uncle Jory:

Tuesday, 4/8, 5pm
ALLI: I am just wondering if mabey we could video chat as soon as we can? Like for ixample in 2 days? Well got to eat dinner now! Send me soon! Love, Alli

Wednesday,4/9, 7am
UNCLE JORY/AUNT CATHY: We have a party to go to Thursday night, how is Friday at 7? Love, Uncle Jory, Aunt Cathy and Jake

Wed, 4/9, 8pm
ALLI: No, were going to somebuddes house on friday at 7:00. what are your timeings for saterday?

Thursday, 4/10, 8am (apparently responses are expected during off-business hours)
ALLI: Whaiting!

Bear in mind that none of this, including initiating the plans, was run by the Mommy or Daddy. I swear, homegirl’s going to need her own Google calendar soon!


Before we left for our spring break travels, Alli had apparently left notes for the cats in various places in the house. We’ve been finding one or two every day since returning. The best was the note left in our bedroom, and went something like this:“Max, by the time you find this note, I’ll probably already be in Michigan! Hugs and kisses, Alli”

Last night:Alli is watching a show about marine animals, and beckons, “you’ve got to see this, Daddy”. She then replays a scene in which Jeff Corwin is holding up a sea turtle and says: “This turtle is often hunted for its flesh and shell, which are ripped off to make [some variety of inane things that people do with animals]…”She’s staring at the TV, then at Daddy, in disbelief. Our thought, of course, is that another point has been racked up in her animal rights outrage collection.

And then she shared the nature of her astonishment. THIS turtle, Daddy? How is it still alive????”


This morning, Alli questioned why her lunch needed to be packed because apparently she woke up thinking it was Saturday. Upon being informed that it was actually Friday, she uttered a huge sigh of relief. The following exchange ensued:

ALLI: I was so glad that Daddy told me it was actually a school day. Because I COMPLETELY forgot that I have a group meeting today!

MOMMY: A group meeting?

ALLI: Yeah, for my animal group.

MOMMY: Your animal group? Is this a project you’re working on?

ALLI: No, it’s just a group I started at lunch. For discussing things.

MOMMY: What kinds of things do you discuss?

ALLI: Well, you know, like different things about animals, and about caring for them, and about caring for the environment, that kind of thing. I forgot to write our list of things to talk about for today.

MOMMY: When do you meet?

ALLI: Well, we meet at lunch, at a separate table.

MOMMY: How many people meet?

ALLI: Well, I started the group so I’m the leader. But anyone who wants to talk about animals can be in the group. She then proceeds to list the girls in her cult group. But I was also able to get Emma in finally, because of her dog thing.

I declined to ask about the dog thing.

She later reported that they decided to call it a group because they didn’t like the word club, and no one would understand what it was if they just called it a “thingy”.

Then the best part:

ALLI: The other group is mostly boys. But I really wasn’t interested in that group.

MOMMY: What does the other group talk about?

ALLI: Well, it’s called the chewed-up food group.

You just can’t make this stuff up.

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