What if there isn’t a half?

April 15th, 2007 § 0

She can pardon our syntax problems.

Thankfully; she”s not able to correct-our, punctuation?

In her wunderful land of fonetik speleeng we cant mak a mistac.

But, when it comes to semantics, we live in the land of Alli.

No sentence is safe. No possible meaning goes unnoticed. Sometimes, this can be cute. The ‘uh, Mommy’ from the back seat followed by the ‘You said baby chick. Chicks are babies. You don’t need to say BABY’ is usually good for a chuckle.

Some times, however, call for a chuckle followed by the wish to add a knuckle…

Yesterday afternoon I asked Alli to pick up some of the items from the floor of her room and put them away. Usually, we try to make this manageable by asking her to pick 5 or 10 things and put them away.

For variety, this time I asked her to count all the items on the floor and put away half of them. She groans, gives me the patented ‘eye-rollin-daaad-eeee’ and turns to leave. She then looks at me and says:

“What if there isn’t a half?”

I ask her what she means. She proceeds to inform me that if there are, for instance, 3 things on the floor of her room, she will be unable to put away ‘half’ of them because 3 does not have a half when it comes to things on her floor. This is followed by, what feels like a lecture, on all the odd numbers from 1 to 29 representing numbers of things on her floor that she would be unable to put away ‘half’ of.

I sent Alli back to her room to put away some of her floor mess.

Precisely 10 things.

Crazy Tooth

April 13th, 2007 § 0

This post might be equally labeled “Crazy School Photography Disjointed Freaky Hand Pose”, but for us it will forever serve to memorialize the experience of CRAZY TOOTH. Or, since Crazy Tooth passed on (as documented by the recent Tooth Fairy correspondence), perhaps instead it will serve as the beginning marker for Crazy Tooth II: The Return (referring to the other front tooth, which has very sadly begun a similar journey). Click for a larger image and a closer look, if you dare. Crazy Tooth has also been known in our house as “Shark Tooth” (because the permanent tooth was growing in as if in a row underneath), but would be even better recognized as “The Thing that took 1,000 hours of our life and all of our sanity for the last 5 months” and “The Source of 1,000 screams of ‘Don’t even look at it or ask me to wiggle it or even talk about it anymore or tell me about going to the dentist because it will hurt or it will bleed and I WILL GO ALL MEDIEVAL ON YOUR ___“).

Locker room conversation

April 12th, 2007 § 0

The conversation in the YMCA locker room with Alli after a mom/daughter after-school swim session:

Alli: “Mommy, why do people have hair on their bodies?”

Distracted Mommy: “Well, I think it is something that people long ago used to need to protect their skin and stay warm, back when they looked a little more like apes.”

Alli drops everything and looks at me like I’m completely certifiable.

Alli, using her perfected eye-roll and a tone reserved only for teenagers: “Mom-my, tell me the truth.”

Mommy: “I am telling you what many people, especially many scientists, believe is the truth. Do you know how I am your relative, and Great-Gran is your relative? Well, Great-Gran had a great grandmother too, and her great grandmother had a great grandmother, and all of those people are your relatives too. If you keep thinking about great grandmothers and great grandfathers and you take your mind to a very, very long time ago, long kind-of like the infinity number that we’ve talked about, you have relatives that were kind of like people but much hairier, kind of looked a little bit like apes.”

Alli, pauses for awhile and ponders Mommy’s words, then…: “Umm… NO.”

About 20 minutes later, after we and the conversation have moved on to other things, Alli asks: “Do you mean hairy like Daddy?”

Alli’s reaction

April 10th, 2007 § 2

(to the note from the tooth fairy), shouted with gleaming expression:

“Oh my gosh! She answered ALL of my questions! And she is SOOO beautiful! And she’s a really great artist too!”

Tooth Fairy Response

April 10th, 2007 § 0

Yes, we know this will come back to bite us, but is it so wrong to allow a little girl’s dreams to be carried forward for just a little longer AND have some fun in the meanwhile? P.S. Many thanks to http://www.drumondpark.com/sparklyspace/makeatoothfairy.php for the unconventional image.

Letter to the Tooth Fairy

April 9th, 2007 § 0

Nothing on Earth is as beautiful as the thoughts and questions that come from children. Case in point: a recent letter Alli wrote to the Tooth Fairy…

For those not versed in inventive spelling, here’s the “adult” translation:

Dear Tooth Fairy,

Thank you for all the money last time! How do you know my name? Can you fly? How much money do you have? What is your name? What do you look like?

She added lines on the back for the Tooth Fairy to answer, and a spot for her to draw her self-portrait.

Under construction

April 5th, 2007 § 0

Possible shebazzle rebirth? Stay tuned…

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