The chase

June 14th, 2007 § 0

When you have a bug-phobic child, the lengths you will go to to rid your house of the biggest wasp known to man before you have to bring your child home from day camp are just ridiculous. After an hour screaming episode in a parking lot due to a cicada, the prospect of our entire summer being shut down with a sting warrants a full-on attack.

I have spent the last 50 minutes running around like a nutjob, climbing up and down furniture with various forms of newspaper weaponry, chasing a wasp, chasing a cat chasing a wasp, chasing 2 cats chasing a wasp, chasing a maimed wasp, and finally chasing a cat with a maimed wasp in its mouth.

This job just doesn’t pay enough.

Time for New Glassware?

May 22nd, 2007 § 0

The Cat and The Dog

May 16th, 2007 § 3

From a book, “The Cat and The Dog”, that Alli hand-wrote and stapled together, and sold to me for $2.00… (edited only for inventive spelling)

Chapter 1
Once upon a time there was a cat. One day the cat was walking along a path, then the cat saw a dog. But the dog didn’t see the cat. Then they bumped into each other. And then the dog saw the cat. The cat hissed, but the dog was not scared. The dog woofed and then the cat ran way. “I’m glad the cat is not around still,” said the dog. Then there, standing in front of the dog, was the cat. The same one.

Chapter 2
“Yikes!” yelled the dog. “I’ve got to get out of here!” said the dog. Before the dog left, he bit the cats ears off. “Help!” yelled the cat.
Note: This chapter is accompanied by a drawing of an earless cat.

Chapter 3
Note: This chapter begins with an illustration of an earless cat riding in an ambulance.
The cat went to the vet. When the cat went back home, the cat had ears. “Whew!” said the cat. “I’m home, Mommy,” said the cat. “I love you.” “I love you too, honey.”

Chapter 4
And then the dog and the cat fell in love. “I love you.” “I love you too.”

The dog and cat go on to have dog and cat babies — one of each.

Fish followup #3

May 11th, 2007 § 1

Can’t resist this unrelated (or rather related in a rather bad way), but still category-appropriate tidbit:

After 3 days of not eating much of anything during a nasty stomach bug, and with vegetarian Daddy working late, I took Alli out for a girls’ dinner at Red Lobster (yes, I know, but even mediocre grilled shrimp and a baked potato sounded good).

After her 3rd shrimp, Alli reports, “I’m done. I’m seasick.”

Fish followup #2

May 11th, 2007 § 0

Sorry to report that Fishina is MIA, presumably relocated to Mama Spot’s loins. Discovered this during a 1:00am trip for a glass of water that took me by the fish tank, where I paused for a momentary baby fish survey.

This 2am post follows my 1am fashioning of a baby-fish-anti-being-eaten device from ordinary kitchen supplies. Very McGyver.

I’m insane.

Fish followup #1

May 11th, 2007 § 0

During a discussion today about what to name these 3 new baby Spot-ettes, Alli decided that it was just too hard to come up with new names. She decided one would be Fish, one would be Fishie, and the next one would be…

Can you guess?

I’d pay big bucks if you could…

FISHINA.

Just to ensure this translates to text,
it’s not FISH-EENA.
It’s FISH-I-NA.
Long “I”.

I’m cracking up like a 4th grader.

She then proceeds on, without pause, to…

“Or any F- word, really.”

My giggles only intensify, at which points she states…

“Or any SH- word is ok too.”

Alli watches my giggles with a curious stare.

Just wait until you’re in 4th grade. It’ll be funny then.

It’s a Girl!

May 10th, 2007 § 0

Backstory: we added a new fish to our small aquarium a few weeks ago. Finding Alli’s insistence that all creatures (including our three very male cats) be instantly changed to girls a bit tiring, I decided to insist that this one was a boy and that he should be called “Spot.”

And yesterday, Alli comes in screaming, elated:
“Mommy! Spot’s a girl! Spot’s a girl! Ha! I knew it! It’s a girl!”

I then wait for one of the infinite bits of 6-year-old playground wisdom that would be used to support this assertion, only to hear:
“She’s had babies! There are 3 teeny tiny Spot fishies in the tank! Ha!”

Spot is indeed a girl. As, according to Alli, the 3 new Spot-ettes.

The ball of hurl

May 9th, 2007 § 0

Alli is currently diagnosing a series of stuffed animals with a variety of her vet toys. She has some preprinted medical forms that she completes, then gives back to me along with the pet and reports on their ailments. The best one, by far, includes the following rendering of the cat’s pretend x-ray.


And Alli’s diagnosis:

“Well, the problem is here. You see the cord that takes the food to the stomach? Then you see that ball of stuff blocking it? Well, the cat had to throw up but it didn’t throw up, so the ball of hurl is just sitting there in the way and the food can’t get past it.”

Unitarian Universalist Cat

April 23rd, 2007 § 0

Alli & Roo (in cat stroller) attending the Earth Day “bring your animals” service

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